I came to Montana Beach, California. Watching the waves from a cliff. They were so beautiful. The sun was shining, and the air was cool. A refreshing change from the tropics with 100% humidity and 90+ degree F temperatures.
Suddenly, while staring into the waves, I was transported back to my family’s home. The basement room where I lived for a year and half right before I started saying yes to my needs.
It was visceral and real. And I saw myself on the bed, asking for help from my inner voice. That part of me that connects to what I call God, or spirit, and holds a bigger truth than just my own. “Where do you want me to go?” I asked, feeling convicted that I would be open to hear the real answer, not to judge it as unrealistic or impossible, and throw it away. To listen.
The response came fast, “California”. I was 2,000 miles from CA with almost no financial stability, living on just over $1,000 a month. Being with family gave me a break from rent. But, I had car payments which totaled one-third of my income, health insurance, and some other bills. My parents were supporting me for the rest, which included helping me pay minimum payments for credit card debt I now had. So…California, huh?
I had let these inner voice questions confuse me before. But, now I felt firm in how to navigate them. I responded to myself with clarity. “If you want me to be in California, then you bring me there.” I was talking to life itself. Finally trusting that if life wanted me to move there, then I didn’t need to do anything, except not get in the way. I sat back, relaxed (for a change), thinking that life would either take me there, or it wouldn’t.
A few months later, I decided to move out of that home. It was a tough decision. My family was very supportive, but there were stressful parts to being there that were taking a toll on my mental health. That decision, somehow, led me to California.
It felt, very honestly, brave to take the leap. I asked me my parents to support me financially even more, so I could live in an apartment that would support my health. They said yes. I stayed on a friends couch, and laughing and crying, and getting to know each other more, I realized that I could relax and not push pressure on myself to move somewhere right away.
Health came back. And, I woke up one day realizing that I had friends in Costa Rica. Friends I hadn’t talked to in many years, but nonetheless had left me messages saying I was welcome to visit anytime. The beach sounded dreamy. A way to recharge my spirit with sunshine and nature I could literally immerse myself in. So, I contacted them, and within days bought a ticket to Costa Rica.
While there, I remembered that my Polarity Therapy training had a week-long in-person intensive. I was 3 weeks into my time in Costa Rica, and enjoying every bit of it. But, somehow I knew that it wasn’t a place I could live. So, I bought a one-way ticket to San Francisco, where my training was held. And, when I got there, I had no other plans.
The story isn’t over here. Flying back to the US without a plan, thinking, pondering, wondering where to go next, but feeling no inner guidance or pull anywhere. Life has a way of leading us, no matter what. I was now finished with the week, and the clear knowing came. I was to stay in CA and explore. Yup, the excitement I got from hearing about the coast, the redwoods, Oregon up north, Death Valley to the east. It was too much to say no to. I wanted to be here.
So, here I am in Montara, CA. Since leaving my home, I’ve felt closer to who I truly am. More at ease with myself, excited about my life, and confident that even though I can’t tell you where I’m going, somehow I still know. My intuition knew what was in store, well before I did. Following it just meant that I had to take the leap out of my comfort zone that deep down I wanted to take. The rest, just happened. And, I also realize, this is just the beginning for me.
